Posted by: secretagent39 | November 6, 2010


I’m experiencing long days and seemingly short nights these days.  Will this cycle never end?

Not until March.

That’s my prediction.

After a long, long, long day of (feeling like) not getting anything done, I decided to stop at Albertson’s and pick up a few groceries.  I am a total glutton for punishment.  I went in for cat food and milk and came out with Lucky Charms, Key Lime pie, bananas, and a whole bunch of other crap.  I was hungry and annoyed to the tune of $95 bucks.

I’d parked next to a big-ass, bright yellow Hummer.  It was parked askew and I’m pretty sure the owner didn’t give a damn because he drives a big-ass-look-at-me-bright-yellow-Hummer.  This was definitely someone from the Entitlement Group of NIMBY IDon’t Give a Damn about You Unethical Barely Human Beings.  Don’t ask me how I know these things… I just do… It’s part of my Piscean charm.

What happened next confirmed everything.

It turns out it was a family of EGONIMBYIDGADAYUBHB’s.  I loaded my groceries into the car and then attempted to get in.  Suddenly, their passenger door swung open and just about hit my car!  I caught it before impact and glared at the woman glaring at my hand on her precious bright-yellow-obnoxious-Hummer.

No words exchanged between us; just glares from two sides of the coin. 

I pushed the door away from my car and said, “Excuse ME!”  She just glared and shut the door.  I then got into my vehicle and attempted to back up.  She opened the back passenger door and grabbed a small child by his upper arm and lifted him out of the bright-yellow-monstrosity.  If not for the smallness of his size, I swear she would have broken that arm considering the way she jerked him up and out of the back seat.

As I was backing up, I observed her pulling the little ones pants down and could hear her shouting, “PEE!  NOW! ” I then saw a teeny-tiny stream of yellow squirt onto the chrome step under the big-ass-bright-yellow Hummer.  “NOT ON THE STEP, YOU IDIOT!”

This…to a three year old… Just perpetuating the dream, I guess.  Teaching her children well… *drips sarcasm*

I rolled down my passenger window and glared at her.  She turned around, saw me, and said, “WHAT?”  I just shook my head and drove off.  I looked into my rearview mirror and saw her flip me off.  What a charming member of humanity, well, no, member of EGONIMBYIDGADAYUBHB.  Probably voted for Sarah Palin (and barely knows who John McCain is…) ‘cause she’s purty.  Not that I’m profiling, or anything.  *drips more sarcasm*

People… Never cease to amaze me.  And… I gotta go with my gut more often and chose better parking spaces!!



  1. This reminded me of a similar – but more fun – incident years ago. My husband sat in the parking lot of a Books A Million in Texarkana, Texas, and watched as a big-ole pickup pulled into a handicapped space. No handicapped plates or hang-tag. A healthy-looking young man leapt out of the driver’s seat (the only person in the truck), and hurried into the store. He emerged about 10 minutes later with a large coffee and sack of what appeared to be bakery goods. He jumped into the truck, put it into gear and revved the engine really hard, and crashed into the handicapped sign pole! My husband said he must have done at least a thousand dollars worth of damage to his pickup, which was severely dented in the front (which my husband observed as the young man put the truck into reverse, backed up gingerly, and drove off). Ha! Poetic justice!

  2. Haha! I bet that’s not the story he tells about how he messed up his truck!
    Poetic justice, indeed.

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