Pièce de résistance

I have so much Random Stuff floating through my head that it kind of hurts to have a new thought.  Just when it seems as if I might be able to pull it all together into some sort of blog post, I remember something that needs to get done or something I need to tell someone or the dog barks or the wind blows and it all melts away into,

“What in the hell was I just talking about?”

So, I don’t even care if this makes sense, or not; I’m just going to purge.  I’m done bingeing.

I finally finished my book.  I thought I loved this writer but now find that he is slow in the beginning, filling in the scenes and landscapes, and then rushes through the rest of the book.  So far, the two books I’ve read by him have felt like he was enjoying the writing in the beginning, rushed by his publisher about half-way through, and then just sorta made some shit up to finally finish the thing. Strong out of the gate; weak around the turn; totally lost at the post. 

Horsey Metaphor.

Bathroom reading has been spectacularly weird.  Got a parenting magazine in the mail and just set it with the other magazines in The Sanctuary.  I’ve never read a parenting magazine and, while the articles are actually about parenting, the advertisements are a bizarre collection of vaginal/urinal/beauty/garbage bag/pet /food ads.

For example: Vagisil Satin for all day comfort, Midol Menstrual Complete, Biore’ Dual Fusion Moisturizer (Too old for acne but too young for wrinkles…), Glad ForceFlex/OxiClean, Iams Smart Puppy with PreBiotics and DHA, Bologna has just 4 grams of sugar (PB&J has 16.  Like I’m gonna care about the sugar in bologna.), and in the Parenting Top Ten Summer Head-Scratchers: There exists a flavor of Popsicle known only as “blue.”  Duh!  I’m pretty sure “purple” is a flavor, as well, ‘cause it sure ain’t grape!

The pièce de résistance comes from a “Mom Debate” article/advertisement (hard to tell the difference) entitled, “Vaginal-rejuvenation surgery: Would you do it?”  Having never actually birthed children, this made my hiney (versus other parts) twinge (considering I was in The Sanctuary.) Later, (Much later, NOT in The Sanctuary.  I do have some rules.) this started a conversation with Angela that I wish I’d never had about Gabriel’s big ol’ head, ripping, tearing, and searing pain while pee’ing.  The poll results were 35% Yes to 65% No.  Sometimes I thank my Lucky Stars I don’t know nuthin’ ‘bout birthin’ no babies and now, when Angela tries to tell me the details, I stick my fingers in my ears and yell, “LALALALALALALALA!”

I’ve since tossed the “parenting” magazine in the trash. Ignorance is truly bliss.  I prefer the Indiana Jones Method and just make this shit up as I go along.  It’s bad enough that I can’t get them to use their placements for every meal much less deal with searing, pee’ing pain.  The only thing I wanna “sear” is nice ribeye steak.  Thank. You. Very. Much.  However, I now understand the placement for that Vagisil Satin advertisement.

Angela had a family emergency and we had to go to Virginia.  I’ve never been east of Oklahoma and I’ve never met a member of her family.  We loaded up the truck and moved the family… all the way across New Mexico, Texas, Oklahoma, Arkansas, (Where we stopped at a Starbucks and finally met an online friend and it was the highlight of the trip!  Hey Angei!), Tennessee, and, finally, Virginia.  It took us three days to get there, stayed for three days, and took three days to get home.  Secret Agent 39 did not appreciate those numbers for once in her life.

It was a trip and I have lots of stories but this is a long-ass post so, for now, that’s all I’m gonna say about that.

Well, no, wait; traveling does something to a person and I will say that I’m eternally grateful to be home, sitting on my own throne, and basking in The Sanctuary.

It’s so good to be back to regular despite my twinges through the reading material.