Living with Kids Means…

… Sometimes eating cereal for dinner and pizza for breakfast. Terrible, I know, but Angela and I are both working and, I’m tellin’ ya, pulling it together for a healthy meal is hard! We were doing the cereal thing far too often and I finally just got sick of it.

Thursday I went to Costco and bought raspberries, strawberries, spinach, juice, two kinds of salad, and some shrimp. We went from Lucky Charms to super-healthy. It used to be the most frequent announcement was, “I-hungwee. Can I have a dinna?” It has been replaced with, “Poop is here!”

Why do we do this? Why do we announce when “poop is here”? It’s just the way we roll in our house, I guess. I’d rather hear that than the constant drone of someone being hungry because they just ate whole grain oats, marshmallows (sugar, modified corn starch, corn syrup, dextrose, gelatin, calcium carbonate, yellows 5&6, blue 1, red 40, artificial flavor), sugar, oat flour, corn syrup, corn starch, salt, trisodium phosphate, color added, artificial flavor, vitamin E (mixed tocopherols) added to preserve freshness. Calcium carbonate, zinc and iron (mineral nutrients), Vitamin C (Sodium Ascorbate), A B Vitamin (Niacinamide), Vitamin B-6 (Pyridoxine Hydrochloride), Vitamin B-2 (Riboflavin), Vitamin B-1 (Thiamin Mononitrate), Vitamin A (Palmitate), A B Vitamin (Folic Acid), Vitamin B-12, Vitamin D-3.

(I hope, gentle readers, you appreciate the fact that I just popped up out of my chair, went to the pantry, grabbed the Lucky Charms, and actually typed that shit out.)

…Sometimes, well, no, most of the time, it means picking your battles. Don’t want the red shirt? Okay, get the (Humming in my head: ‘GDMF’n) blue shirt. Can’t find socks? Okay, wear your clogs or sandals. Don’t want to? (Humming in my head: ‘TMF’nB! Wear ‘em anyway!!) Okay, let’s go find you some socks, Mmmk?

And you smile… lovingly (Humming in my head: ‘WTF, over! Let’s get a GD move on, over! Roger that?!’)  And then you have an announcement, “Poop is here. Hold that thought…” And for all of your good intentions in getting things actually rolling out the door… “Poop is here.”

*sigh*

So it takes me to the place of not knowing which is worse: being constipated from red dye #40 or having a healthy (Humming in my head: ‘GDMF’n'!) BM.

…Sometimes means giving up what you want to do for what they want to do or what you want to eat for what they want to eat or when you wanna go to sleep and they wanna wake up.

…Always means never eating in the car (leather seats!), having to stop to go potty at least six times on a four hour road trip, remembering that whispering is more effective than yelling (Humming in my head: ‘AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH’), every bit of it is worth it, especially when they do something cute or funny.

DeMarcus is in the livingroom singing. Gabriel joined him until DeMarcus stopped suddenly and said, “No SINGING! STOP SINGING!” He’s counting at Gabriel… Gabriel is rolling his eyes, singing, and giggling… A (Humming in my head: ‘GDMF’n') fight is about to ensue.

Control Freak.

The apple does not fall far from the (Humming in my head: ‘GDMF’n') tree.

And so, we are on our way to the grocery store where I will abstain from buying Apple Jacks and instead go for the Granny Smith. I will fight the urge to buy Marie Callender’s frozen crap and will instead go for “Pork Chopsssss….’n… Apple Sauce…” (Name that TV reference!) I will grab a loaf of whole wheat bread, watch Angela grab it and put it back in favor of white bread and be okay with it. (Even though I had it for toast this morning and felt like I was experiencing my 1,716th First Holy Communion.)

…Sometimes… is all you can (Humming in my head: ‘GDMF’n’) do is breathe, take things in as they are, and be grateful no one has mentioned McDonalds.

That’s just how we roll…