Unable to Form Complete Sentences

I saw the funniest headline on Google News today.

“ShamWow Pitchman Vince Schlomi Arrested for Punching Prostitute”

Say that ten times.

It’ll crack you up. It cracked me up. Yep, I’m cracked.

I feel crazy.

I’ve been working constantly and people seem dumber, more impatient, and meaner than ever. What is wrong with people? It’s contagious, you know. It’s terribly hard to remain positive and centered when the people surrounding you (not my immediate circle) are complete and total assholes. Driving. Customer servicing. Out to dinner. Shopping. Talking on the phone. Neighbors. (And their little dogs, too.) Comcast. Service people. Bosses. Employees. Customers. Crossing guards. Baristas.

Ugh.

I had a dream about Barack Obama last night. I dreamt (my mother loves to roll her eyes when I say that… prepare yourself.) that I was at a college, some type of large university, and Angela was working for Barack Obama as a photographer. I was waiting for her to finish whatever she was doing and taking care of the kids. Secret service-like dudes kept coming in and whispering in her ear and, when they left, she’d say, “They are going to bomb Iran. We are going to war. I shouldn’t tell you that but I can’t help myself. It’s nuts.” This kept happening, over and over again, only the countries would change each time. She would then apologize and say she was almost done and we could go home and make dinner soon.

Then Barack came out and she introduced me to him. For some reason, he and I struck a chord between us and I felt very motherly toward him. I kept telling him soothing things and he would lean into me. I would hug him and tell him everything was going to be alright and to not worry. I swear I could feel the Brillo on his lil’ head when I pet him. Then he’d get all presidential and say something to someone and then turn to me as if he wanted my approval for what he’d just done or said. I would nod and he would smile at me adoringly.

I awoke feeling the world upon my shoulders.

Then I remembered that on old buddy of mine from MSN Spaces had sent me an uplifting video. Every single time I watch this video it makes me smile, weep a little, and feel good. I never thanked him for that. Hey, Russ?

THANK YOU. That small act of kindness has been helping me keep my head above the swill.

And so I share it with all of you…