2008 In a Word

From The Daily Humorscope for January 1, 2009:

Pisces

(February 19 – March 20)

You will become fascinated by the unlikely use of the same word to mean very different things. For example, what is the link between “seasons” as changes in the weather and “seasons” as in what you do to food? Or for that matter, why are Fall and Spring named for action verbs, and not Summer and Winter? Shouldn’t those be called something like Wiggle and Shiver?

 

Yesterday, my mom asked me if I knew another word for “thesaurus”. I actually thought about it, struggled to say it (tough “th” word) and said, “Synonym?” (Actually, I think I said, “Thinnomim?”) She laughed and laughed at her little joke and I laughed with her albeit still struggling to say, “th-th-thetharousth”.

It’s all made me think… Hmmm… What word(s) would I use to describe last year? I can’t think of just one. That and my horoscope makes me think about how I’ve seen the last year and how I may choose to see the one I’m about to enter. Is it positive or negative? Is it half full or half empty? Is it good or is it bad? Is it yin or is it yang?

Only my hairdresser (whom I haven’t seen for over 8 months) knows for sure.

I know that, for a long time, I’ve viewed this past year as being negative, bad, half empty, and yearning (for lack of a better use of a “y” word) for something different or, at the very least, a different outcome.

Let’s look back and then finally just trash this crap and move on, shall we?

• S and I had a major falling-out that caused both of us to reevaluate our lives and our intentions. It was really, really hard but we made it through stronger for it. (+)
• Oldest acted out (horribly) so, S reestablished a relationship with his dad and, after much anguish, sent him there for the summer. Since, dear old dad decided he couldn’t handle him, his new wife decided she wouldn’t deal with it and fabricated some bullshit story about him and they had him committed to a psych hospital. (He has never, ever done anything as she claims and, according to the psych people we spoke with, there was absolutely no evidence of it. There was, however, evidence that their “family” didn’t want him in their home.)They were going to (promised, in fact) send him home but instead, changed their phone number, stopped contacting us and, unfortunately, stopped contacting the other boys (who are heartbroken… yet again), and sent oldest (supposedly; we don’t really know) to a residential care facility. As current, non-custodial parent, S’ options are expensive legal wranglings and a daily source of pain and worry for everyone. There’s a lot more to this but that’s all I’m gonna say about that. This continues to be a negative; times ten, times ten. (———-)
• The job I had never became the job it was supposed to be and quickly began to go right down the shitter. I had a new (and totally inexperienced and inappropriate) DM who was on my ass constantly. I, like many other experienced (and appropriately paid) managers were being performanced out for the craziest crap. I got written up for reading StarbucksGossip.com and questioning the information I read. Crazy. The positive to this was that I saw the writing on the wall, found another career choice, acted quickly, and got out in the nick of time. (–/+++)
• I started a new job. While I really like it, it has been quite taxing to be in that high learning curve, once again, and to always be “on” regardless of whatever drama (oldest) was going on in our home. Hard but good. (+)
• This year I’ve had every illness the boys have so generously brought home. Twice. At least. (-) I live to tell… (+)
• (TMI ALERT!) I stopped having periods in April. I started having wayyyyy intense hot flashes in March that lasted through November. Hot flashes that would cause me to completely soak my shirt and reactivated my *doo* so many times that I had perpetually *crunchy* hair. Mood swings that would cause me to hear “Swing Low, Sweet Chariot” every time I had to atone for my bursts of emotion. Sleeping patterns that were so erratic that I slept (or didn’t) on the couch for most of the year. I was running on about 2-3 hours of sleep a night and would crash for entire days, as a result. I’d wake up and my pillow and the sheets would be soaked with sweat and my head felt like it was going to pop right off. So, I’d grab a blanket retire to the couch hoping that the TV would lull me back to sleep. I was starting my days at one in the morning. I got to the point where I’d take a little blue pill (Advil PM; not Viagra! Much to S’ chagrin…) in the hopes of falling and staying asleep. That eased up sometime in November and, while I’m having erratic menstrual periods, I’m just glad to feel a little more rested and sorta-sane. I turn 50 in three months. This shit had better be over by then! (+/—–/+)
• I sold my house in Tucson and actually made money on it before the housing bubble burst. Necessity is a mutha… But it all worked out quite nicely. (+)
• The stock market took a lil’ dip. I, at one time, thought myself foolish for taking my stock options out, cashing them in, and using the money to invest in my home and a positive change to our lives (the move to ABQ) while allowing myself the time to deal with *stuff* in my life. Turns out those stock options are now worth one-fifth what they were when I cashed them out. Timing is everything and I owe my good intuition and guardian angels a butt-load of gratitude. (+)
• When all that crap was going on with oldest, I was so frazzled that I lost my cell phone. Losing my cell phone is like losing a lifeline. I immediately went to the provider and found out that my contract was just about to expire. As a result, I was able to get a Blackberry for only 50 bucks, changed my plan, and saved money on the whole thing. I am now addicted to my phone. Hmmm… (-…+…? +/-)
• A snarky, bitchy, bitter, old blogger accused me of hijacking her blog in a comment. (Okay, it was approximately 550 words, and ya’ll know how verbose I can be but… Jesus, you know?! It was not my intention to “hijack” her blog and, certainly, there have been others with long-ass comments so I thought, ‘Why me?’ I guess it was just my turn. I can’t think of any other explanation as to why someone would be so hateful and hurtful.) I was taken by surprise by her vitriol attack and it hurt my feelings and made me mad. Now, this was during a very, very difficult time in our lives and I was probably way more sensitive about it than I should have been. I, pretty much, stopped blogging/sharing. Well, F-You, Patricia “Cappy” Cringe… I’m back. Party on, bitch. (–/FU*delete*++++)
• I’ve reconnected with old friends in a very positive way. It’s been a tough year for everyone (lots o’ —’s) but we all still love and support each other. (++ <3 ++)

Okay, wait a minute… Yeah, sure; there’s lot’s o’ negatives in there but, wait! Would ya look at all of those positives!!??!!

It’s been hard; it’s been good. It’s been emotional and rough and sad and scary; it’s been loving and soft/cuddly and strong. It’s been hot and wet in a not good hot and wet kinda way. It’s been full; full of life and stuff.

2008… I guess you weren’t the bitch I thought you were. You just had some totally bitchy and scary moments. Kinda like me… Huh.

Here’s to a better New Year… To better and more frequent good-hair days… To love and happiness and joy… To Friendship… To Family… To warmth and comfort food… To finally losing that GD 35 pounds hanging on my gut and butt… To reuniting… To good fortune… To a new presidential era… To Hope…

Y prospero Ano y Felizidad!