Serial Family

I saw my father recently. I haven’t seen him in 16 years. No, he didn’t stop by and no, I didn’t go to his house. He lives in California. I haven’t had a relationship with him since I was about 10. My parents divorced when I was about 13 and although I’ve had a couple of run-ins with him over the years, I never sought him out and he’s steered clear of me. Unless, of course, contacting me was a way for him to get at my mother which only happened a couple of times but I had the opportunity to put him in his place. That was quite satisfying considering all of the BS he put my mom, myself, and my sisters through. The last time I actually spoke to him… he was reaching out to me. He had a heart attack and some kind of epiphany and said he wanted to get to know me. That was the last time I heard from him… four years ago. Whatever. I left it up to him and knew he would be true to his colors. I have no desire to establish a relationship with him.

I saw him, of all places, on TV. I was channel surfing and landed on “Cold Case Files” and noticed that the episode about the Zodiac Killer was going to be on. I casually said to S and the kids, “I think this is the one that has my father in it.” S turned off the stove and let supper simmer while we all watched the gruesome details and waited for a glimpse of my father.

I wasn’t sure that our kids should watch this show as the Zodiac Killer murders were pretty gruesome. They asked me a lot of questions. I told them I used to go to Blue Rock Springs when I was little. I loved to go there and chase the peacocks. (There’s your opening; say what you want! HA!) I have many fond memories of that park. S remarked about the names of the cities and the places that I knew, oh-so-well, because I’d grown up there. We talked about how scary it was for everyone when ZK said he was going to shoot little kids getting off their school bus. I noticed that oldest child was getting scared. I looked at the clock and wondered how much more of this we would have to endure before potentially seeing my father.

This program was made in 2003. That would have been about the time that he last attempted to contact me. Weird. I’m sure my mom would just say that he was in the glory of his fifteen minutes of fame. I think she’s right. (That’s because I take after her and agree with everything she says; she’s a wise woman.)

So, here we are, kind of not paying attention because we are distracting the kids, and I hear a somewhat familiar voice. It was odd to look up and see my father. He’s bald now and kinda fat. He was wearing the most ridiculous clothing: a pale yellow (yellow!) polo shirt and a pair of khaki shorts. His white legs looked skinny compared to the rest of him. He was wearing sandals. Good LORD man!! You are on TV! What were you thinking? I found this very disturbing as I remember my dad as a real snappy dresser.

The kids kept talking and I kept shushing them as I was completely ensconced in watching and hearing him. It’s funny… he seemed more soft spoken than I remember. I recognized many of his favorite little buzz-words. His laugh hasn’t changed except that maybe it’s a little softer now. Everything about him seemed a little softer and strangely… kind of effeminate. That took me aback.

My dad used to be a scary dude. He was a police officer/detective for years and years. I have a picture of him on a police motorcycle and remember a story about him being shot off of it. I remember when his best friend was killed and how hard it was on his family. My sister was best friends with his little girl. This was in the days when cops were “family.” My dad was/is old-school cop. And that was his entire life.

The show went on to talk about how his theory was shot down when DNA testing came along. Well… there go your glory days… dear old dad.

They’ve made a movie about the Zodiac Killer based on Robert Graysmith’s books “Zodiac” and “Zodiac Unmasked: The Identity of America’s Most Elusive Serial Killers Revealed.” “Zodiac” stars Jake Gyllenhaal, Mark Ruffalo, and bad-boy Robert Downey Jr. I remember Googling it and saw the casting call for my father. They were looking for a 40-55 yr. old, balding, heavyset, “sparkplug” of a detective… I laughed out loud. My father has been a “consultant” on the movie set. I think he is “Detective #2” played by Mark Bernier. He isn’t identified by name in the cast.

My mom and I went to the movies last week and saw the trailer. It looks like it may actually be a good movie. The film is directed by David Fincher who also did, “Panic Room”, “Fight Club”, “The Game”, “Se7en”, “Alien 3″ and a bunch of Madonna videos as well as Paula Abdul’s last video hits collection. (Paula Abdul? Huh?) I liked most of those movies so we’ll see what he does with this one. It is a story that hits very close to home for me as I was one of those little kids, growing up in the Bay Area, during the Zodiac Killer’s reign of terror.

And there was my dad, on my TV, in my living room, which is the closest he’s ever come to being a part of how I live.

The show ended and we sat down to eat our dinner. I think middle child put it the best: “He doesn’t look a thing like you, Miss Natalie. That was a really scary show.”

Yes, it was… indeed… it was. (And this is for my mother: “You have NO IDEA!” hehe… inside joke…)

Ironically, the film is set to be released on March 2nd of this year.
My mom’s birthday.
That’s kind of creepy, don’t you think?
I’m sure my mom would think so, too.